Alisha's Journey

My husband did it!

2009-03-23T08:10:00.000-07:00

He hid my scale! That's right. He was SICK and TIRED of hearing me whine and complain about not losing ANYTHING. So, now I can't see what I weigh. I can only go off how I'm feeling. He told me that in a few weeks I could have scale privileges re-instated.

My scale bugs me

2009-03-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

It's been 3 whole LONG exhausting weeks! I have hit the magic "21 day" mark. You know, the mark when whatever it is your doing becomes a habit. Yes, I now officially have a habit of working out. yay.

Oh. I'm sorry. Do I not sound very enthusiastic? Ya. I know. It's because as far as the scale is concerned I've been sitting on my fat rear end for the last 3 weeks. It will NOT budge. It doesn't matter how many hours I spend working out. I doesn't matter what my body bugg says I've lost in calories. My scale doesn't pay attention. It's really starting to get on my nerves! I mean COME ON! Throw a girl a bone! My muscles are sore. My legs are tired.

Don't worry, I'm not giving up. After all...I do have a cruise to prepare for. I just hope I start seeing a down ward spike...and soon would be nice. Oh and since I'm asking, a BIG spike would be super great.

Oh the joys of weight loss. A look on the bright side helps me realize that I'm feeling better though. I actually crave getting my work out in. (So do my kids! They BEG me ALL THE TIME to go to the gym.) (No, I'm not slave driving my kids to thin-ness...they are already thin. There is a fun play/care center where they watch my kiddos.)

If any of you have any pull with my scale...please remind it that I am NOT a patient person!

Oh. And by the way!!! THANK YOU FOR SUCH A WONDERFUL WELCOME BACK! I'm glad I didn't lose all my weight loss buddies! :)

I'm alive. I think.

2009-03-10T11:32:00.000-07:00

And I'm back. At least I'm pretty sure I am! I took a break. I gained weight back. I got re-focused. Now, I'm back on the wagon. I probably don't have anyone left reading this. That's alright. It's basically for me anyway.

So why am I back on the wagon? Well, I am going on a cruise the end of September. AND...I DON'T want to look like this:

(beached whale)

So, I bit the bullet. I signed up for a gym membership. And even better, I'm using it!!! Go figure! People, this is a new concept for me! I've been to the gym 8 of the last 11 days. And. I feel good. Really good.

I set my goal at a reasonable level for once in my life. 2 pounds a week. I figure it's healthy...it's do-able...and I'll definately be at my goal weight if I stay consistent. So, 2 pounds it is. (And I did it last week!!) I have to remind myself that numbers I see on the Biggest Loser (like 15 pounds in a week) are NOT realistic. I have re-train my mind that 2 pounds is awesome. It's going to take time. But I'm finally being consistent. And, I'm determined.

So there you have it. That is where I am.

I've been bad.

2008-11-10T09:48:00.000-08:00

Very bad.

I have contemplated throwing in the towel!

I have thought about giving up on my weight loss.

I have truly thought that I am just supposed to be fat forever.

I have tried sticking to my plan.

I have been going on nightly walks.

My scale doesn't care.

I am worried that it's hopeless.

I know I have joked about not doing a weight loss blog anymore, but the truth is:

I am seriously considering it.

Who wants to read anything from the fat lady about her weight loss journey when she's not losing weight! I am tired of putting in work and my body not catching up with results.

I am at a loss.

I am losing all motivation.

My head is trying to convince my heart that "being fat isn't all THAT bad".

Truthfully....it is though.

I HATE hiding behind sweatshirts.

I HATE wearing sweatshirts when it's 100 degrees just because I'm uncomfortable in other clothes. (Thankfully it's turning cold now!!)

I HATE putting on a pair of pants just to see the "muffin top".

I HATE seeing what I used to look like (even just months ago) and compare it to what I look like now.

I HATE being reminded of how overweight I am.

I have tried to change.

I've even been successful at times!

Since I started, I've lost over 30 pounds...HOWEVER...

I've gained a lot back too!

So much that it makes me sick to think about.

It's like I can't ever seem to get past that one freaking set of numbers!

I hate them.

So, what's a girl to do?

Give up, and into the idea of being overweight my whole life?

I don't want to! I am fighting with ever ounce I have! I don't want my kids to have an overweight mom. I don't want to be that type of example for them. I don't want to be winded when I play games with them. I want to be healthy.

So what do you do when you feel there is nothing more you can do than what you've already been doing? What do you do when what you have been doing is NOT giving you any glimmer of hope? In fact, it's doing the opposite! It's adding pounds to the scale!

What do you do besides cry?

You probably SHOULDN'T have a Weight Loss Blog if...

2008-11-03T08:16:00.001-08:00

The scale is going up...NOT down for WEEKS upon WEEKS!

Ugh.

(Sulks away from the computer to find a chocolate bar...)

Stuck?

2008-10-26T20:11:00.000-07:00

Can't figure out what to make for dinner??

Check this out! I will be updating it with new recipes (and some of my favorite old ones). All of them will be calculated regarding WW points and servings. Hope you enjoy it! Check back often because I will be updating it as we try out recipes as a family.

I'm angry...

2008-10-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

...at WW! No, not because their scale shows me up. Honestly I wouldn't even know! You see, they closed the ONLY meeting I can attend. The only one! Now what, huh? Do they not see that I'm trying to hit a certain number on the scale before Thanksgiving?? Sheesh! What's a girl to do now?

No posts for a week =

2008-10-15T10:51:00.001-07:00

...Not the greatest news!

In fact...I even ditched out on my weigh in at WW this week.

I don't know what my deal is!

I think I'm in a slump.

Yes, definitely a slump.

I took a break from running...a.k.a. my exercise.

I am watching the scale slowly climb.

I guess the good news is at least it's not jumping rapidly.

STILL...I don't want to see any climb! Am I being too unreasonable? I HATE stepping on and seeing an increase!

It ruins my day!

My days have been ruined a lot this week!

How to get back on track?

What will motivate me?

If I knew the answer....I wouldn't be asking you! :)

I haven't got a clue.

What I know for sure....if I don't nip this in the butt now, it's going to be too late!

I've started going on daily walks with my girls...

Hasn't made a difference.

Argh! (No, I'm not a pirate. Maybe for Halloween??)

What's a girl to do?? Seriously!

Okay any ideas for a re-jump-start of weight loss?

Come on people...my skinniness depends on you!

Seriously...I'm not joking!

If you don't help me, I will hold you personally responsible for my being fat!

You don't want that held above your head forever right?

Ok, but really...for absolutely real...give me your best tips, tricks, or ideas!

Priceless...

2008-10-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

Training since January

Lost One Toe Nail

Got 6 MASSIVE Blisters

Fought through the rain, hail, and hell!

Crossing the Finish Line....PRICELESS!

Where to begin? Well let me first warn you, I am recording my thoughts on here as a keepsake to myself! I want to remember the feelings and thoughts and course that I went on yesterday so this might get long. (Hopefully it won't get boring.)

So I got up and showered at 3:45 am yesterday. I got dressed and ready.

I decided to stick with training tradition from my long runs for breakfast. I made myself a yummy Peanut Butter, Banana, and Honey sandwich. I also took a bagel to the starting line in case I wanted to eat that before starting. (I didn't. I ended up throwing it out.)

Jason dropped me off at the starting line. I boarded my bus at a little before 4:30. The bus was full of excited people. They were asking how many marathons people had run. The most on our bus was an older gentleman...he had previously ran 99 marathons so this would be his 100th marathon! CRAZY!

As the bus was getting closer I began to smell rain. Typically I LOVE the rain, but it made me really nervous because I had never trained in rain before! The day before I went to a first time marathoner's clinic at the expo and they told us in 32 years it had only ever rained 1 time during the race. ONE TIME! Well now they can say 2. I'll get more into that in a bit.

As I stepped off the bus I was amazed at how they had transformed the starting line. I have driven up here many times and I would have never recognized it! Another thing that hit me instantly was the wind! They announced that we would have a 25-30 mph head wind for most of the race. Ugh! It was COLD! I was instantly getting wet. AND...I still had an hour and 15 minutes until the race started! I found the hot chocolate table...they were almost out! They also started handing out garbage sacks. That became the outfit of choice for this marathon! EVERYONE wore them! We all huddled around the bon fires wearing them...trying to warm up and stay dry!

There was a lot of chatter happening about the weather as we were sitting there. The overall response was..."If we wanted to run in the rain we would have chosen an Eastern marathon...not the St. George." However, at this point....after all the training that was put in....and all the hard work...there was no way I was going to let it stop me. One person was quoted in our local paper as saying, "You train for this race, and then you show up and the conditions are crappy. It's like, well, I trained for this and this is what I've worked for." That was exactly how we felt!

It was time to line up at the starting line.

Man! There were SO MANY people! 7,200 people registered for the marathon however, only 5,180 started the race at 6:45am. That's a LOT of people to be packed into one place! After the gun went off...I sat there. I was at the back of the pack! It took me 8 minutes to get to the start line according to my chip time. Finally I started. I was running in my shorts, a long sleeved shirt over my running shirt and a garbage sack over that. It was brutal! The wind was AWFUL! But I was loving it. It was really dark. It stayed dark for a lot longer than they expected because of the storm. They had to have troopers turn their lights on and face the street because it was so dark at points. Finally, it started to lighten. (NOT the rain...just the light!) I can honestly say that out of the 26.2 miles I ran...22 of them were in a complete DOWN POUR! At one point it was even hailing. I ran with my garbage sack but got really warm so I tossed it at about mile 3. Then I realized that my long sleeved shirt was getting REALLY heavy! It was soaked. It weighed about 4 pounds and it was making me even colder. I remember I was shivering so hard trying to get my body temp up and I decided then that I needed to lose the long sleeved shirt. I tossed it at about mile 10.

On a side note...can I just say there were SO MANY people who decided to just "cop a squat" on the side of the road. Not even in the bushes! And they were WOMEN! They would just yank their pants down and let it go....it was kind of disturbing at some points....you'd round the corner and WHOA! There's another woman's butt staring right at you!

So, back on track...The first miles were great. I ran straight through until I hit mile 9 or 10. There were people singing and dancing as they ran. It was like a huge party! Another thing that struck me was the amount of spectators! Not just at the designated spots either! People were out there holding signs and umbrellas...with cow bells and horns...cheering us on! Little kids were dancing along the sidelines...it was great! Veyo was the first "official" spectator spot. There was a really nice sized crowd that came out to cheer us on inspite of the horrible weather! It gave me such energy seeing them. It was SO exciting! At this point in the race I was feeling good. I was running well too! This was about the time I hit Veyo hill.

It's referred to as "The Hill from Hell". It is a VERY steep incline. A lot of people really struggled up it. I did end up walking part of the hill. I was trying to save my energy because I knew the last part of the race was going to be hard. As I was going up the hill I saw a woman who was really struggling. Her husband took her by the hand and walked her up the hill. It was so touching to see the love! I was so moved by it that I pulled my cell phone out to take a picture:

It actually made me a little jealous! I was running this race alone. I wished at that moment that I had someone to run with me! But I pushed on.

It was a little while after that the rain really started hitting hard! This is when the hail started. It was blowing right into my face. I was constantly wiping water from my eyes so I could see. Water was dripping from my hat, rolling down my arms. My clothes were completely soaked. My feet...OH MY FEET! My shoes were completely soaked! Every step I took I "squished" and my socks were soaked as well. It was at this point that because of the standing water on the road I was running in about 2 1/2 to 3 inches of water! I remember thinking to myself...why in the heck am I doing this to myself!!! I actually started laughing at how ridiculous it was to be running in the POURING rain for 26.2 miles! I really struggled to get my mind into the running for a while. FINALLY as I rounded the corner into snow canyon (aprox. mile 15) I was feeling great again!

I remember looking at my cell phone and I thought...wow, I'm doing awesome! I'm going to finish this thing before noon! I was excited and I was running great. I was really enjoying the atmosphere.

Somewhere on the road ahead I struggled. I had to pull off at an aid station to get help with my blisters. They did their best to help me cover them, but since my feet, socks, and shoes were all soaked it really didn't help much! I was in SO MUCH PAIN at this point! Every step I took hurt. I popped some IB Profen and kept moving...slowly. I lost a lot of time during this part of the race. I slowed WAY down! I also had to pull off to use the bathroom. It was really hard to find the groove after that. My muscles were all tightening up (especially my hamstrings). It actually felt better on my knees to run rather than walk...the only problem is my blisters were almost making that impossible. I was trying to think of anything other than the pain I was in. I was trying so hard not to let the doubt of finishing creep into my mind. I remember looking again at my phone. I saw the time and I was astonished! I couldn't believe how slow I was going. I hit 20 miles at about 4 hrs and 10 min. Now I was at a crawl! It took me almost 30 min to do one mile at that point! I was struggling! It was then that I threw the time out the window. All along I've said it doesn't matter the time....I had to remind myself of that at this particular moment. I also remember thinking that this was not AT ALL like I thought it would be!

Somewhere along the 2nd half of my run I remember FINALLY seeing a little bit of sky...not clouds. I thought "wouldn't it be hilarious if it rains my entire run and then the sun comes out as I cross the finish line". I laughed at the thought!

(note: the sun STILL was NOT out at the finish line!)

Mile 22 and 23 were my hardest miles probably. I bawled! Every step I took made me want to throw up because the pain was so bad! I was so cold, I was tired and yet I was still miles away from finishing. I kept trying to push as hard as I could, I would remind myself that the quicker I went...the quicker I would be done. However, there was only so fast I could go. The friction from my feet rubbing up on wet socks had made some major blisters. During my "breaking" moment...you know, where I was sobbing...I had put my IPod away...I was thinking about just throwing in the towel...my angels came to help me! I don't even know their names. All I know is they came from out of no where. They saw I was sobbing and stopped to walk with me. They asked if I was okay. I couldn't even answer them because I was so consumed by my emotion from all that I had been through. I don't know if they were married, friends, brother/sister, or strangers, but they were WONDERFUL. I will FOREVER be thankful to them! I began jogging with them slowly.

The girl was so funny...she said "I'm sorry that I smell like an old folks home." I kinda gave her a weird glance, like I have no idea what you are saying or why you are saying that. She laughed and said "I knew if I stopped along the route it would be hard to get going again so I just decided to pee on myself. I figured it was raining hard enough it would wash right off." She gave me the laugh that I needed!!!!!

I jogged with them...laughing a little...still crying...but doing better. Then I looked forward and saw my dad! My family knew I was struggling. I called to let them know it was going to take me a lot longer to finish. My dad walked all the way from the finish line to somewhere between mile 23 and 24 to come get me! I thanked my new friends for their help and they continued on...letting me know they were going to wait to see me at the finish line. Then I stood and cried to my dad. He literally held me up and kept me going. We walked for a bit...then started jogging again.

He told me that Mikayla had walked all this way too...she wanted to run with her mommy. My dad confidently informed that I was not quiting! It wasn't an option anymore. So I kept going. At the bottom of the hill, there stood my mom, Chris, and Mikayla (on Chris' shoulders holding a sign)!

She got down and gave me the HUGE hug that I needed! She began running beside me. Although, I should note that she wanted to go faster than what I could physically go. So, she skipped along side of my jog. She probably ran a good mile with me. It was exactly what I needed to get through the end of the course.

It was funny...people told me before not to believe what the bystanders say as you get into town. They will say things like "You look great!" or "You're almost there!" They are all liars! :) I knew I looked like something the cat drug in. I knew I still had 2 miles...and although 2 miles isn't very far...in horrible weather, with massive blisters, being completely physically and emotionally worn out...IT FELT LIKE THE LONGEST 2 MILES OF MY LIFE!

I found a quote online that sums it all up:
At mile 20 I thought I was dead.
At mile 22 I wished I was dead.
At mile 24 I knew I was dead.
At mile 26.2 I realized I had become too tough to kill!

As I was coming up to the turn-about on Tabernacle my dad mentioned something that really got me thinking. I was telling him how the weather sucked! (Which...he definitely agreed!) But he said something like "Yeah, but Alisha...after what you compared this marathon to...and the mountains you've had to over come...and knowing this was your last hurdle...of course it was going to be hard! It will probably be the hardest marathon you ever run!" It's so true! It wouldn't have been fitting if I had "sailed through" the marathon after the hell I've had to overcome! I knew that I had overcome some MAJOR hurdles and this was just another one to add to my pile!

When I got down to my last mile my family ran ahead so they could see me cross the finish line. I remember praying to the Lord at this point! I remember thanking Him over and over for getting me through the hardest thing I've ever been through! You see, earlier in the race...when I was struggling the most, I prayed! Hard! I promised that if He could get me through the pain and get me to mile 25 then the last mile was His! There was a point when I could actually feel him picking me up and helping me to continue on. I am confident that He was also the reason that my "angels" were so aware of me and my needs! I would not have finished if it had not been for Him!
As I turned the corner to run the last 1/2 mile or so I couldn't control my emotions! I could see the finish line. The balloons...the people...my end! I knew I had done it! I finished! As I crossed that line it felt AMAZING! Earlier in the run there was a gentleman that was also struggling with a knee injury. He told me that I couldn't quit! He said it was good that I was in pain...in fact, he said, the more pain you are in, the more amazing it's going to feel when you cross the finish line! Oh it was amazing! It is a feeling I can't even begin to describe! So many different emotions! I will never forget that feeling, ever! And...my new friends/angels were there! Even after they finished their own marathon they kept their family there and stood to cheer me on as I crossed the finish line! I cried and cried and cried! What a feeling of accomplishment...of victory! I wish I could feel that every day of my life! After I crossed the finish line I walked over to my family on the sidelines and cried! I was able to hug each of them and thank them through my tears. I was so emotional I couldn't even talk! Then I walked over to get my finisher's medal. The woman who put it on me could see just how emotional I was. She gave me a huge hug and told me how amazing I was for finishing! I felt amazing for finishing...it was a long, hard race!
I headed to the aid station after. I was SO COLD and completely nauseous! I got one of those awesome tinfoil blankets to wrap around me. Then I went to stand in line for a massage. It was then that I actually took my shoe off. HOLY MOTHER OF BLISTERS! The one on my heel was the size of a 1/2 dollar and stood about a 1/2 inch off my skin! Then I had about a 2 inch blister up between my big toe and pinky toe on the bottom of my foot. On my other foot I had 3 smaller blisters along my toes on the bottoms of my feet. Then...if that wasn't enough...I noticed that my toe nail was hanging on by a THREAD of skin! I've since lost most of it! No wonder why I was in such massive pain for the last 12 miles!!!

I ran for almost 7 hours straight to get to the finish line! (Yes, I know I am completely insane!) 6 hours and 54 minutes to be exact! I know I would have done better if my blisters weren't so painful and huge (and maybe if I would have a little help from Mother Nature!), but time doesn't matter to me.

What does matter?

The fact that I can now forever say that I had a moment in time when I was more than I ever thought I could be!

Can I tell you the first questions people asked me when I finished...."are you going to run another?" To that, my answer was "I can't even process a thought right now, let alone think whether I want to do this again". (That was yesterday's response...read on for today's response!)

I do want to also mention that I was completely amazed at the people finishing this race! I can promise you there were people every age between 10 and 80+, every weight, every nationality with one common goal! It is so inspiring looking at some of these people, seeing them endure, seeing them run for the victory! If you have never been to a marathon finish line I would HIGHLY recommend going...it is life changing! And hey...those of you in Salt Lake can have a chance to see me cross my next finish line...April 18th baby! Salt Lake Marathon here I come. (I will be training to run it in 4 hours...then next year I will be running the St. George marathon to qualify for Boston!)

It's kinda like giving birth I guess...

"You have to forget your last marathon before you try another. Your mind can't know what's coming!"

Even though I still remember yesterday VERY clearly...I still want another one!! It's a great feeling!

And to anyone thinking...hmmm, that would be amazing to do a marathon but I don't think I could ever...YOU ARE WRONG! If I could finish yesterday, so could you! I don't care what your age is. I don't care if you are overweight. I don't care what your excuse might be...YOU CAN DO IT! (We even had a blind man run and finish the marathon yesterday!)

I am more proud of what I accomplished yesterday than anything else in my life (save birthing my children)! I can honestly say that my past is behind me and I am SO EXCITED about my future! Just like the sun is out and shining today...my future is also shining....

Thank you SO, SO, SO much for all your support and love and prayers! You have no idea how much it has meant to me! You were definately a big reason that I was able to continue yesterday! I know there were many prayers said on my behalf...I could feel them as I was running! Thank you!

I finished...

2008-10-04T17:44:00.000-07:00

I am very tired emotionally and physically not to mention how sore I am right now. I will be posting a detailed post tomorrow with pictures from the race but I didn't want you all to have to wait to know that I did indeed finish! (And I wasn't even crawling...I was barely running...but I wasn't crawling!) Check back tomorrow if you'd like to see pictures and read my thoughts about this experience.

Conquering my Marathon

2008-09-30T07:39:00.000-07:00

Saturday is just around the corner. The next few days are going to be busy so I wanted to get this post in before things get crazy!

To the "posters", to the "lurkers", and to those I know and to those I don't know:

You mean so much to me! As you have read, I’ve been training to run this marathon on Saturday. Can I tell you what’s gotten me through the training? YOU! Every person who reads this supports me! Thank you! It means so much. Thank you for all your loving words and thoughts and thank you for just reading what I wrote. I love your support!

I posted a while back about my struggles to finishing this marathon. I’d like to take a minute to really explain things and finally clear everything out of my past. 7 years ago I went away to school at Dixie State College. I was excited about life, I was excited about who I would become. During that year I became a different person than I hoped! I was faced with dealing with situations that I will never forget. I was a victim of rape. (I wasn't going to actually post what happened because honestly, I'm not looking for pity. However, maybe...just maybe..there is someone who I can help that is going through the same issues.)

Because of what happened to me I became a different person. For far too long I have hated myself because of who I had become. I hated those that did this to me for a REALLY long time! I was angry and bitter. As years passed the hatred was still there…looming in my life. It wasn’t until THIS YEAR that I realized that the hatred was only hurting me.

During this last year I have set out to try and FINALLY get past everything. I began using running (which I completely hated when I started) as a way to get through things. Just as I thought that moving past these events was “un-doable” I also figured running a marathon was “un-doable”. Slowly, I’ve gotten to the point that I can do both. I can now stand here and say that I am a different person, but I like that person. I will never like what happened to me….and frankly, it shouldn’t ever happen to anyone! However, I am thankful for what it has shown me that I can be! I never knew the strength I had. I found out though. If I wouldn’t have gone through what I did, I would have never known the person I could be.

There are a lot of people in my life that have helped me get to this point! I am eternally grateful for their consistent love and support! I have decided to dedicate 1 mile of the marathon to specific people who have helped me survive my past. They have been constants in my life and have been there when I needed them most.

I decided I'd like to dedicate one of those miles to those who have suffered. Maybe you have been a victim of rape like me. Or maybe you have struggled with another "monster" and overcome it. We all have trials in life, and we all learn how to overcome them and become stronger. So, just as I am running for me, I am also running for you! One entire mile will be dedicated to everyone who has ever struggled and suffered to become stronger than their "monster"! You inspire me!

Now, on Saturday comes the last part of this journey that I have been on. Saturday is the marathon. It will be a long day. It will be hard. But, with God by my side and the prayers many of you have said on my behalf, I know I will conquer the run and my past! Thank you! It brings me to tears to think of the path I have been on for so long. It has been a long and twisty road. But, I’ve made it. I am still here, and I am stronger than ever!

One last note: There might be some who read this that have dealt (or are dealing) with the same things that I’ve had to face from my past. To those survivors, you are amazing! You have inspired me to survive! I only hope that one day I can help others who have had to face such awful situations survive and become stronger from the adversity! You CAN do it! Have hope!

Don't give up...EVER!

To those from my past that have caused me such hurt and anger in the past, this is for you:

Song by Christina Aguilera (slightly changed by me)

After all you put me through

You probably think that I hold resentment for you

But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong

'Cause if it wasn't for you I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through

So I wanna say thank you

'Cause it makes me that much stronger

Makes me work a little bit harder

It makes me that much wiser

So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me run a little bit faster

Made my skin a little bit thicker

Makes me that much smarter

So thanks for making me a fighter!

One Week! AHHH....

2008-09-26T19:55:00.001-07:00

The marathon is officially one week from tomorrow morning! I am EXCITED! I think I'm ready. (I hope I'm ready!) If not...it's too late. I guess we'll find out in a week!

So can I tell you about my scale??? Yeah, I'm in love with it right now! At the rate I'm going....November = size I was in high school! That's the plan at least! 2lbs a week is feasible, right?? (The answer is YES! Right?? No? Please say yes! Please?)

Now before you all get worried that I'm withering away to nothing....haha....don't worry. I honestly don't have a specific number in mind to reach...I just want to finally feel like I'm at my physical peak. It's coming together...I'm getting close!

Ohhhh....and did I mention the I really want a Body Bugg??? Oh. I did already? Sorry. I just wanted to be sure you all knew just HOW MUCH I wanted one!! BAD! And...to MaryFran...lets be obsessed about it together and maybe we'll both get one! :)

I REALLY want one of these:

2008-09-23T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's called a Body Bugg. I saw them on "The Biggest Loser" and now I can't stop thinking about them! I want one! Like BAD!! Anyone wanna give me an early Christmas present?? :)

For those that don't know what it does...let me enlighten you. BUT, be warned...you will probably want one too after hearing how freaking cool it is!

You input all your basic information (height/weight/etc) You wear the Bugg on your arm throughout the day. As you are walking around and doing normal activities (or working out) it tracks how many calories you burn at about 94% accuracy! THEN...it gets cooler! You can log online and download that information and compare it to the foods you've entered in and eaten for the day. Then this nifty program shows you whether you have a deficit or not. Basically you can see on a daily basis how close you are to working off a pound!

Seriously! I want one. I want one. I want one. (I'm like a little kid...I'm very aware!) But I can't think of anything that I've truly WANTED for quite some time. Now I know...I want a Body Bugg! Maybe I'll eventually save up my pennies to get one since they aren't all that cheap.

Anyways, I thought I would just share the awesome weight loss product that I'm completely obsessed about! Watch "The Biggest Loser" TONIGHT! Maybe they will show it again.

...Off to go dream about having a Body Bugg strapped to my arm.....sigh.

I'm still alive....

2008-09-22T11:15:00.001-07:00

And I've actually had a great week! I've just been EXTREMELY busy! However, I weighed in today and was down exactly 3 pounds from last week! Hooray! I'm feeling great AND I'm almost at the lowest I've been in over 6 years! (About 4 pounds away!!)

Also, I am getting REALLY excited for the marathon! It's a little less than 2 weeks away...EEK! (SHEESH...I'm using a TON of exclamation points in this post! I guess I'm a little excited.)

PLEASE! Check this out and pass it along...

2008-09-17T19:06:00.001-07:00

I made a decision regarding my marathon today. I am going to be running it for charity/good cause. I need YOUR help to do it! Check out the details HERE!

I've already burned 2300+ calories this morning....

2008-09-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be fun to show you what I see during my long runs today. Here's a view of what I see when I first start at 5am:

Pretty much dark. That's all I see for the first hour to hour and a half.

Today I ran. Today I felt GREAT! I was determined to end my last long run on a good foot...no pun intended! haha. But at the same time, I was determined not to push my knee too far. So I set out today. The first few miles I was tight. (The first few miles are always the hardest while I'm trying to get in a rhythm.)

By the time I got here:

(the St. George Marathon finish line)

I was in a groove! I was totally in the moment; picturing exactly how it would feel the next time on this course! I bawled...but unlike last week...it was because I could feel that it was going to happen! I felt great. My knee held up! My only complaint was the cramping in my upper thigh/groin area. I would have to stop every few miles and stretch it out good.

So...the good news?! I ran my longest run yet today. AND, I probably could have gone even longer! I ended up calling Jason to come pick me up after I ran about 17 miles (maybe a little more). Even though I felt great and I know I could have finished the last 5 miles home I really didn't want to over-push my knee today and pay for it later.

So, I ended today excited to think that in 3 weeks I'll only have to go another 9 miles from what I did today...and if everything felt as it did today...I KNOW I can finish! Yipee! I'm still praying like crazy that things will continue to look up!

Oh...and even better...I think today was a PR (personal record) for my time. I did about 17 miles in just under 3 hours. Which if my math is right...I ran 10:20 a mile on average! :-D

And lastly...here is the beautiful picture of when I finished this morning:

Progress

2008-09-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

I went running this morning.

I forgot my knee brace though.

I ran on my knee anyway.

It felt GREAT! I went for 5 miles (NON-STOP with NO pain!)

Tomorrow I'm planning on going 8 miles.

Then Saturday...hopefully (fingers crossed) 16.

(But a bare minimum of 10.)

Ohhhh, and by the way! I weighed in at WW on Monday....I was down 5.2 pounds from the previous weigh in last Wednesday! That is 5.2 pounds in 5 days! Yipee!

See Alisha Run

2008-09-09T08:25:00.000-07:00

I went running today.

Let me back up. Saturday after my disappointing run/knee I did some research online. I realized that what I probably had was a strained IT Band. I also read that one of the best things that you can do in the early stages of this injury is get a sports massage to work out the muscles. So, that's what I did. Saturday afternoon I went in and had a great trainer work on my legs/knees. It hurt! In my head I kept thinking "For the love of all that's good, let this woman stop! She is putting my body through misery." But, the pain slowly lessened as the muscles were worked out. By the end of the hour I felt like I had new knee's. However, I was still a bit skeptical. After all, all I was doing was walking on them and it's not like that hurt before all that much. So the first real test was when I came home and walked up the stairs......no pain! Okay, the second real test was today. (The trainer suggested I rest my knee's for Sunday and take a light run either Monday or Tuesday to see how it felt. She even said that after my short run to do a medium run in the middle of the week...THEN if it was still feeling good that I should go for the long run I had planned originally on Saturday.)

SO! I just got done. I went 3 miles...not one ounce of pain! I was ultra sensitive too. I was watching for the first sign of it so I could pull the plug and slow down! I was actually running at a bit faster pace and I didn't stop once! HOORAY!

Needless to say, my spirits have been lifted. I can only keep praying for good news! Thank you to everyone for your kind words and thoughts and prayers! I truly appreciate it! I will continue to update you as I finish other runs this week...

Marathon

2008-09-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

(To those who read both my family blog and this blog...I'm sorry. This is a duplicate! I needed to make sure everyone who has been following my marathon training read this.)

Here I sit. I've had a hard morning. I was real worried about my knee this morning. If I was right on track, I should have gone 18 miles today. However, because I had to cut last week short and go to instacare for my knee I was going to do 16 miles. (The amount I was supposed to do from last week.)

I couldn't do either.

I went 10 miles. Then I stopped. Then I cried!
I sat beneath here:

I was struggling to gain composure. I prayed. Then I cried some more. A lot more!

All week I had been telling myself that today would be the determining factor on whether I would be able to do the marathon in 4 weeks. I failed.

I'm pretty emotional about it right now.

As I was sitting up there, looking over the city and I kept praying that I would know what to do. I kept trying to think through things logically and not emotionally.
Here's the solution I came up with. I'm going to be quite honest, I don't know if it will work. I don't even know if it's smart. But it's the only thing I can think to do.

I have decided I am still going to push through for the marathon. However, I'm going to scale my runs back. This means that come October 4th my longest run will be 15 miles. That worries me! I am going to continue taking it easy. Running between 5 and 8 miles 3 times during the week. Then for the next 3 Saturday's I will be pushing for 10 miles, then 9 miles, and then 8 miles the week before the race. What I am hoping is that by backing off I will give my knee a bit more time to recover...and less to recover from. Then come marathon day I will take it slow. As slow as I need to. And then I'm going to push myself. And then I'm going to pray.

There is a chance I won't finish. It makes me cry to think that! But I have to admit it out loud! There have been many people wanting to come down here and cheer me on. I truly appreciate that! SO MUCH! Each run I go on I picture each of your wonderful faces and it has kept me going when I've wanted to quit so badly! I would still love for you to be there. But, let's be honest...if you change your mind, I understand! I wouldn't want you to be disappointed to make the drive down here and I can't even finish. I wouldn't want you to feel it was a waste of a trip. So, I truly will understand if you change your mind! But, if you do decide to make the trip anyway...here's what I will promise you:

I will PROMISE to give it my all! I will promise to put in 120% that day. If it is physically possible I will crawl across that finish line if I have to! I might be the last one crossing the finish line. I might not even be done by the time they start re-opening the roads. But I will give it my all! I will do my best and I will hope the Lord will make up the difference!
This is really hard for me to face today. Really hard. I've been so sure all year that I WOULD finish...NO MATTER WHAT! Now I can only pray that I've done enough and that it's the Lord's will.

Thank you for your love and support! I couldn't have gotten this far with out feeling that from each of you. I pray that I have the strength of mind and strength of body to finish that which seems so impossible today.

Back to reality!

2008-09-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm not as cool as I hoped! So I got done with my last post and I was feeling pretty awesome! I got off the computer and started cleaning. I was taking a load of laundry upstairs and my soon-to-be 4 year old daughter was following me up. We get to the top of the stairs and she says,

"Gosh mom, why do you have such a big butt?"

OUCH! And then she started to giggle as she reached up to push my "big butt" out of her way!

DOUBLE OUCH! That brought me right back to reality! FAST!

Thanks Mikayla for pointing out the obvious. Don't worry little one...soon mommy will have a little butt again! Soon! Very soon! Soon. Soon, soon, soon. (that's me convincing myself!) SOON!

Who's cool?

2008-09-05T11:41:00.001-07:00

Pretty much...I think I'm cool! I know, that's a overly confident....maybe even conceeded thing to say. I keep adding points and I keep losing weight!

(By the way...do we even use the word cool anymore?? Should I have said I'm sick? Or I'm bad? Or I'm trippin? I'm too old to be "in" with the lingo I guess!)

I'M LOVING IT! My scale said I was down another 1.6 pounds this morning!!! At this rate, I'll be REAL close to my official WW 10% mark. (I've already lost over 10% of my original starting weight...but I haven't yet hit my 10% when I've actually been going to meetings!)

Weekend...here I come! I'm a woman on a mission! My mission (which I have accepted!) is to get my long run in tomorrow and stay within my allotted points for the next 2 days. Hopefully by doing that I will be really pleased with what I see on the WW weigh in scale Monday morning!!

Yeah, I am cool!

Takin' it Slow!

2008-09-04T08:45:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I went running...knee brace and all! I ran on a treadmill which is completely different from running outside. (I much prefer running outside, however because of my schedule...the heat...and the fact that it's gotten SO DARK in the mornings....I now am running my shorter runs on a treadmill.)

Yesterday I was nervous. But my knee did pretty good. I only went 4 miles. I want to start off slow this week with my running! It wasn't sore at all up until the last 1/2 mile. And even then, the pain wasn't bad at all! I iced it all day yesterday, and I've been popping IbProfen.

Today I'm upping the running to 6 miles and tomorrow I'll go 8. I'm not real sure how far I'm going to go on Saturday. You see, I only have 2 more LONG runs scheduled before the marathon (this Saturday and next). After that, I cut back until the big day. I'm supposed to go 18 miles Saturday however, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do that full amount. I'll probably only go 16 on Saturday (that's the amount I was supposed to do last week). Then next week I'll do the 18. That means that I won't get my 20 in before the marathon. I was nervous about that. However, every thing I read says that it's not a big deal. In fact...all the books and websites I've been studying say that they only recommend going 18miles for the longest run as a first time marathoner. So I guess I would be right on track. It will be interesting to see how my knee does on Saturday...that will be the test! I'll be taking it slow...REAL SLOW! And I'm not afraid (or ashamed) to walk when I need to. My thoughts are...'whatever I have to do to finish the dang thing!'

Before my knee went screwy I found this AWESOME website that predicts how fast you'll run Utah races based on times you've ran other races (or distances). It takes in consideration the elevation and the course and everything! Based on it's predictions...they had me finishing the marathon in 4hrs 34 minutes....not bad! (In fact, I would be ELATED if that were the case!! seeing how I hoped for anything under 6 hours.) However, now that my knee is acting up....I'm fully aware that I probably won't hold that pace or time. I'm okay with that! Honestly, I'd be fine with 20 hours as long as I finished. That's a lie! I think I would DIE if I was out running/walking/crawling for 20 hours! Please for the love of running....LET ME FINISH IN LESS THAN 20 HOURS!!!

Truly, as I've said from the beginning...I'm only going to focus on finishing. I'm not going to time myself that day. I probably won't even wear a watch. I don't want to feel like I need to "speed up". I just want to do what I need to do to finish the whole thing. That will make me happy enough!

Oh....and on a side note, a certain persons scale was VERY, VERY generous today! We're talking -5.2lbs just from yesterday! It's amazing what happens when you actually count points, work out, and get water in! Hooray!

I blew it!

2008-09-02T11:11:00.001-07:00

It...referring to my knee!

This weekend I was up in Salt Lake visiting and went for my long run like usual. I felt pretty good...then it happened. My knee literally felt like it popped out and it took me down to the ground. I couldn't even walk on it I was in so much pain! Jason had been running with me that morning, and despite many people's judgements...he kept right up with me. When I got hurt, he turned around and started running back to get a car. However, I was really hurting so I couldn't wait. (We were about 7 miles out.) So I called my dad.

I ended up going to instacare. First...I'm not pregnant. They had to do a pregnancy test to figure out if they could do X-rays on me. Second...I don't have any bone damage. Third...I am in a knee brace. Fourth...they referred me to a sports medicine doctor down here. I am supposed to go have an MRI to make sure there is no cartilage damage. You see, I have either damaged the cartilage or I have an over-use injury. The doctor from instacare seems to think it's more over-use because after I had my brace on I instantly could actually walk normal.

So...the bad news...
I am nervous. Today I am exactly 32 days from the marathon. I start tearing up every time I start thinking of how hard I've been working...and how there is a chance I might not even be able to start -- let alone finish.

I have been resting my knee since Saturday. I've constantly been applying ice compresses to it. I am going to try a short job tomorrow with my brace on and see how it feels. If I feel any pain...I promised myself I would stop until they can get me in to the sports doctor.

Here's my thought process:
If I don't over-due it I might still be okay. I will just take it easy on race day...taking plenty of walking breaks just listen to my body. If I do that, I can finish the race. I just have to be careful that my knee isn't screwed up before the race begins because then I will be in big trouble.

So...keep your fingers crossed for me! I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to finish this marathon! It means SO much to me! If it is humanly possible for me to finish...I WILL! I just have to pray my body will be ready!

What I did for 14 miles...

2008-08-23T15:02:00.000-07:00

While running today I figured out a way to take my mind off running. You see, there is only so long that an IPod can help. So at one point in my run today I began thinking of what I was going to write for a post on here. (I know, pathetic. But hey, anything that helps!)

So I'm not going to promise an amazing post...but here it goes:

New shoes + 14 miles = MAJOR blister on my foot. Why only one foot? Why do I have 2 blisters on one and zero on the other. I wonder if it's my form, is my form off. Hmmm, I wonder what I look like when I run. I've seen those "crazy" runners. You know, the ones that are like all over the road. Am I one of those runners? Is that why only one foot is blistering. Sheesh, I've never wished my other foot would blister as well...but maybe that would mean I'm not an insane runner.

To the gentleman who passed me up on Scenic Drive. Wow! You amaze me. I'm not sure how long you kept going at the pace you passed me, but WOW! I could see you were just as hot as me, the sweat was dripping off your back as you passed. I watched you chug your Gatorade as you smoothly continued your run. Thank you for showing me how I should be running. It was almost magical watching your rhythm. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. You told me to 'keep up the great work' and said that I was looking awesome. Thank you for your encouragement, it gave me the boost I needed.

Now, to the not-so-kind woman who was chowing down on her Burger King breakfast and ran a stop sign. Woman, stop signs are there for a reason! You are not above the law. I would have though you might realize that when you almost hit me this morning. No. Instead you rolled your passenger window down and flipped me the bird as you yelled some sort of obscenity. Classy! Maybe next time instead of seeing how fast you can scarf your food...watch the road! You don't own it. I will have you know that I was tempted to return your kind gesture, after all I literally almost fell over my feet trying to stop so I didn't get ran over by you. Then I realized why you must have been upset. You must have been disgruntled because you knew that you couldn't run 14 whole miles in the same work-out period. I know that must just really piss you off, that's okay. Next time, for everyone's sake, keep your gestures to yourself. (And your eyes on the road...not your Crossaintwhich. But thank you for giving me something to laugh about for a few miles, I did have a nice chuckle on your behalf!

Ugh! My knees are killing me. It's getting so hot, so soon. Maybe I should have started my run earlier than 6:30am. Eh, I'm glad I didn't. I like my sleep. 14 miles huh? I wonder if I could set the worlds slowest pace for a record....ahhh crap. I will not think negative...I will not think negative...It doesn't matter how fast, only that you finish.

OH! I've....got.....to.....walk. There, that feels....ehhh, that hurts even more. Maybe I shouldn't have slowed to a walk. The slower I go the more I feel my aches and pains. What a baby I am! Suck it up. Okay, at that stop sign I'm going to start running again. Take a drink. Eat a fig newton. Oh man, here comes the sign. UGHhhh...here we go. Okay, not so bad. I better take it slow. My knees are starting to stiffen up. Hmmm, I wonder how far I've gone. Maybe I'll check my IPod to find out the distance. No....I'll wait. As soon as I get to the Boulevard I will check. Okay, that's a deal. One...two...one...two...one...two...hmmm how much longer can I go without walking? Last time I ran I went the whole 6 miles without stopping. 6 miles. Oh yeah! Boulevard...how far have I gone? 9 miles. WooHOO! Only 5 to go. Man it's really heating up quick. I wonder if I'm going to get dehydrated. I shouldn't. Water? Check. Gatorade? Check. Snacks? Check. Yeah, I'll make it. I sure wish I could feel that "runner high" thingy. They say you basically go into a trance. I could use a transe right now. Hmmmmm. Hmmmmmm. Hmmmm. Nope, that's not helping. Okay, time to sing out loud. 'Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend....."well that's nice of the 2 guys in the red truck to start laughing at me. I would probably laugh at them too if I saw them running on the side of the street.

Well.....that was the gist of my run. Aren't you glad I included you? Now I'm sitting here...blogging about it. My knees feel great! My blisters on my one foot are sore. I did finish the full 14 miles (my longest run EVER!). I am so excited that I went MORE than 1/2 marathon! Yay for me.

I felt great!

2008-08-20T07:29:00.000-07:00

Oh, my spirits were lifted today! I started out slow. I struggled the first 2 miles. (That usually happens for me! It takes me some time to get into my groove.) After that, I felt GREAT! I had to stop and walk once (my heel was bugging me. I ended up stopping to readjust my shoe.) After that, I finished the entire run RUNNING! Because of my slow start and my little readjustment break my pace was a little slower than I'm used to. I've been training to keep my pace between 10:30 and 11:30 a mile. Today I was at 11:20. Not too bad though. I finished my 6.25 miles in just over an hour! That means I ran 1/4 of a marathon today in just over an hour!! Wahoo!

My hope is that after all my training, come race day I will be able to maintain a pace in the high 9:00 or low 10:00. HOWEVER...I'm not going to keep track during the race! (Just like I don't keep track when I'm out on my training runs!) I just listen to my body as I run. If I am struggling a bit...I slow it down. If I'm feeling good, I keep the pace comfortable, always careful not to over-do it when I'm feeling good. (I don't want to run out of energy later!)

Today I also tried a new product on my run:

I tried the Chocolate flavor before I left. Then about 45 min in my run I popped another one (Berry). The berry one almost made me throw-up right there on the side of the road! (In fact, I did throw up a bit in my mouth! Not that you wanted to know that!) However, the chocolate one was pretty good. It tasted just like chocolate pudding (and it had the same texture!). I wanted to try them out on a smaller run to make sure my stomach handled them okay for my longer run this Saturday. They were great! (Other than the taste of the one.) I will be using them again for my long run on Saturday.

So my question for any runners out there reading...what do you like to use for Carb re-load during your runs? I love getting new ideas or hearing what others like to use.

Shoes!

2008-08-19T07:36:00.000-07:00

I am SO excited! And they aren't even "cute" shoes!

I had NO IDEA the world of difference a pair of shoes makes! (Reminding you...I am a beginner at this running thing.) I went in yesterday and tried a few different pairs on. My feet were in heaven! Literally they felt like they were on a cloud. The store let me go out and jog on them before buying. The pain I was having in my knee...felt a lot better! Apparantly when I run, my feet roll inwards causing the outer part of my knee to be strained. These shoes have an amazing arch and support! That problem is going to be solved! HOORAY!

I tried on a few pair of "cuter" shoes. (afterall, that's been how I picked out any other shoes. Including my old running shoes!) They were alright, but nothing compared to these New Balance. So I threw habit in the wind and bought a not-so-cute pair of running shoes. I figure after running the next few weeks schedule (running 250+ miles) with these amazing shoes, I won't care if they are the ugliest thing on the plannet if they help me finish! (by the way, I don't think they are the ugliest...just not the cutest!) :)

Scared!

2008-08-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

I am scared! TERR-I-FIED! I have exactly 47 days until the St. George Marathon and today I had an AWFUL run! AWE-FUL! Like I haven't ran that bad in a LONG time! I only went 4.2 miles and I sucked it up big time! I wish I could blame it on my knee hurting. It didn't! I wish I could blame it on being sick. I wasn't. Frankly, I don't know what my deal was this morning but it scared me big time! It really shook my confidence. After all, how can I expect to run 26.2 miles if I can't even get through a 4 mile run easily? I did finish. By the skin of my teeth! But it was UGLY!

Now that I've been home for about an hour I am trying to remind myself that all I want to do is finish. SO, that means that if I have to walk from 4 miles into the race...I WILL! But, I'm not going to lie. That thought makes me sick! Like throw up right now because I spent WAY TO MUCH time finishing the marathon! BARF! Am I willing to do it? Yes. I will crawl across the finish line on my hands and knees if I have to. But I would prefer not to be out there for like 25 hours doing it!

Jason spent the last hour reassuring me that it's going to be okay. And said that as long as I'm consistent in my runs and my eating that it will all come together. I want to believe him! I really do! But I'm scared!

I spent the last 1.5 miles chanting (in order to pace myself). You might be wondering at this point if I was "chanting" out loud. YES! People probably thought I was the strangest person in the world! I don't care! I literally chanted over and over again: I will not - give up- on my dreams. I will not- give up- on my dreams. Over and over and over. Eventually it turned into: I will not - give up- on myself. That truly got me to the finish of the run this morning! Am I going to have to chant that for 26+ miles? And would that even work? UGH!

As I was saying my little chant I also had a very vivid picture in my head. A picture that I constantly think about EVERY SINGLE RUN I GO ON! EVERY RUN! I've driven the marathon course on more than one occasion so I could prepare myself mentally for what was in store. Now, every run I see me running the marathon. I have a very distinct image that I play over and over and over and OVER and OVER AND OVER again. Get the idea? I'll share it with you another time. I haven't ever written it down yet. I want to take the time to really explain it on paper so you can feel what I'm seeing. Maybe I'll work on that later today.

SIDE NOTE: Jason was reading over my shoulder and made a very interesting observation. One that I hadn't realized until JUST NOW! He asked what I had to eat yesterday. I thought about it...toast for breakfast, a PB and J sandwich for lunch...and EEK nothing for dinner! I literally forgot to eat dinner last night! (AND I didn't eat all that much during the day yesterday!) Then he asked what I had for breakfast. He already knew that answer...nothing. I HATE eating before I run. (Only on my long runs do I eat before going out.) Crap! How did I do that? How do you forget to eat? It's NO WONDER I didn't have the energy this morning! I was lucky I only went 4 miles. I had no fuel in my body to go any more than that. Thanks Jason for the eye opening. That lifted my spirits a bit. I am still a bit worried though, wouldn't you be?

Disappointed

2008-08-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

Today I went running. Before I talk about my run, I should proabably explain that due to my vacation (and coming home this week and slacking off for a 1/2 second) I didn't get any of my training runs in this week (or last!). I've been overly obsessed with the Olympics and I've been staying up WAY to late which makes it real hard to get out of bed in the morning.

I know however, that I couldn't afford to miss my long run today! October is creeping up, and I need to be ready for my marathon. Today my mileage was 14. The bad news? I had to stop early. This has been the only run I did not finish! I was going to try and push through. However, Jason advised me that it could cause some major damage if I do that. (He was in charge of coming out to refill my water 1/2 way through my run.) When I explained to him that I was feeling alright...MINUS the HORRIBLE pain in my knees he said I should probably stop. In my head I was saying..."yeah, you would be saying that! You just want me to come home to take care of the girls. But I need to finish this, I can't quit a race." However, he did make a very good point. He said "You haven't even ran anything since before Lake Powell and you expect to come out and run 14 miles?"

I have to admit, when he put it like that I knew it was a silly idea. So I stopped at 8 miles today. I ran at a decent pace. I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't finish. BUT I've also got a fire lit under me for next week! I came home and took an ice bath for my knees. While I was doing that, I read the book "The Non-runner's Marathon Guide". It was GREAT! So many wonderful tips and training ideas! I realized that I'm right on schedule (minus today's run). And even though I had a minor set back today, I know next week I'll be able to bounce right back. So, my running schedule for next week is as follows:

Sunday- Rest
Monday- 4 miles
Tuesday- 6 miles
Wednesday- Rest
Thursday- 4 miles
Friday- Rest
Saturday- 14 miles! (That's right, next Saturday I'll be running MORE than 1/2 a marathon!)

Now when you're reading my schedule, please remember that I am training to FINISH! I am NOT training for a specific time. This is my first marathon, I am focusing ALL my energy on FINISHING!

While I was reading my book today, I realized something profound! These past few months while I've been marathon training, I've secretly (and sometimes openly) expressed the want to lose my extra weight. I can feel it on EVERY SINGLE RUN! I hate it!

Secretly in the back of my mind I've had a weightloss goal that I linked to my marathon training and run. BAD IDEA! You see, when trying to lose weight it is important to get in workouts/runs (which I'm doing) however I have to be real careful cutting calories. Because my runs require a LOT of energy, I have to make sure I get enough carbs in. Have I lost weight through my training? Yes! Do I still want to lose more? YES! However, I realized that if I set a weightloss goal with my marathon...and for some reason I don't lose the weight (GASP!) I would be upset. AND, that's the LAST feeling I want to be feeling as I cross the finish line after running 26.2 miles! So, any weight that I may or may not lose will just have to be okay with me. Once the marathon is over I will focus my efforts on losing the remainder of the weight.

Does that mean I'm going to stop counting points? NO!
Does that mean I'm going to stop doing the WiiFit trial? NO!
Does that mean I'm going to stop tracking my weightloss progress? NO!
Does that mean I'm going to forget the "magical number" I had in mind to lose before the marathon? YES!

Back and Focused!

2008-08-14T13:43:00.000-07:00

So our trip was WONDERFUL! I am such a HUGE lover of Lake Powell...even if I did have to spend 5 whole days in a swimming suit.

I came back with a little weight gain, but not too bad. In fact, most of it is gone now. I am now ready to bare down and get real focused! I've decided that since the marathon is sneaking up on me I better get real serious about losing some good weight. I'm committing to being diligent in counting my points! I've got about 25-30 lbs to lose before the marathon. The extra weight just KILLS me when I'm on my runs. (Especially my ankles and knees!)

So, today I will be starting my Wii Fit experiment over. Don't worry, I won't get side-tracked this time! I will track it closely and also record my daily points. I'm also going to be taking measurements and will post those a little later. (And yes, I do have a "before" picture. HOWEVER, I'm waiting to post that until I have an "after" picture to make myself feel a little better!)

While I was at Lake Powell I read an AMAZING book! My dad recommended it to me. It's called "Running with Angels" by Pamela Hansen. You can read more about it here. It was absolutely motivating! It was a really quick read. I recommend the book to ANYONE out there who is trying to lose weight! (Even if you aren't planning on running a marathon.) To read what she went through in her weight loss journey on Weight Watchers is absolutely inspiring! Like I said, it's a quick read and really easy!

I've decided to take some of her ideas from the book and apply them to my marathon training and weight loss program. I will go into more detail later.

For now, just know I'm back and ready to run! Did ya miss me? :)

M.I.A.

2008-08-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

I will officially be M.I.A. for the next week! I am going to be enjoying the sun, the water, the lake, boating, exploring, and so much more at the INCREDIBLE Lake Powell! I know you are all insanely jealous! (I would be too!) It is seriously one of my favorite places on earth...HEAVEN!

So, keep your fingers crossed for me! Along with all the fun comes a LOT of dangerous foods! I keep telling myself...'Self, don't blow your great progress! DON'T BLOW IT! No matter how delicious that food may look, it won't make you happy when you are home in a week! In fact, if you scarf on it, it will probably make you sad and angry and people that come to your blog don't want to hear your downer self pity for a mistake you can avoid!'

I have had that conversation many times this week and I think I'm prepared! I will be getting in some good exercising...slalom skiing, tubing, wake boarding, hiking, etc. I'm not worried about that end of the scope.

So...just wish me luck. And hope (for your sake (and mine)) that you don't read me whining about my weight in a week!

Surprising!

2008-07-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

So this morning, I was woken by the monthly visitor. Curse the visitor! Honestly, I probably shouldn't complain! It's been 2 1/2 years since it was my TOM. (I know, I definitely shouldn't complain!) But grant me just a few sentences of murmur, please? :)

I won't bore you with all the "hate" talk about cramps, bloating, tiredness, etc. You all have heard that before I'm sure.

Instead...I want to be grateful. Grateful that my scale wasn't effected by my unwelcome visitor! Now, if only I can keep it that way! (I tend to over-eat...especially sweet things like ice cream when I am crampy.)

Oh and another thing to be grateful for...it could have been worse! It could have come a week later when I will be in the middle of Lake Powell on some beach enjoying the sun. That would have been YuCkY!

And now, one last apology to those who really don't care about my TOM...forgive me for being a woman today! I had to vent a bit. (Sheesh, it's been 2 1/2 years....I had forgotten how lovely it is being a woman!)

Confessions...

2008-07-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have to admit that I haven't been keeping up on the Wii Fit as promised. I'm Sorry!

I have gotten so busy with summer that I let the Wii Fit challenge slip.

Honestly, I didn't realize so many were watching for my results. I'm going to make it up to you!

I do want to give some accurate 30 day results from this AMAZING game!

However, I can't re-start my consecutive 30 day challenge again...at least not quite yet!

I will be leaving shortly on vacation to Lake Powell and won't be able to take the game system with me. SO...I will be starting my 30 day CONSECUTIVE workout schedule over on

Sunday August 10th!

When I start, I will give you the starting weight and then update you consistently on the progress.

Now, because I am also running quite a bit...I'm going to include the amount I run as well. I can't afford to just do the Wii Fit because my 1st marathon is just around the corner. So, hopefully you will still enjoy seeing the results a Wii Fit can give.

I REALLY appreciate the feedback I've gotten! (lots of people emailing to let me know they want to see the Wii Fit results!)

So continue checking back....

I promise, you won't be disappointed!

the start of a new week

2008-07-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

Monday! Monday. I used to not like Monday's all that much. However, I've grown to like them more in my aging years. I love that every week we get to "start over" or "start fresh". Not that I really had a bad week last week. Actually...I HAD A GREAT weight loss week! I'm down BIG TIME! I am afraid to put how much in case it was a mistake or something (6.3 lbs...gasp!) Is that INSANE!? I needed that encouragement! I've been working really hard and it's good to see my week pay off!

I am in a really good place right now for my weight loss. Shoot, who wouldn't be after losing that amount of weight in a week!

My ankle was a bit sore this morning, luckily today is my cross-training day. Tomorrow I start the runs for this week. Wish me luck...wouldn't it be awesome if I had another big loss week?!? I'm not holding my breath because I don't want to be disappointed...(but secretly, I sure would LOVE it!)

Happy Monday to all! How are you all starting your week off??

Ran my guts out!

2008-07-26T16:54:00.001-07:00

So, without trying to brag (or maybe secretly trying TO brag) ... Guess who ran just under 10 miles today??? AND, guess who rolled their ankle at only 1.5 miles in? AND, guess who..in spite of a rolled ankle..ran it in only 2 hours!! AND, guess who could have kept running even longer at that pace!

Yeah, pretty much I'm dang proud of my longest run to date! I'm not going to lie...there were points in the run that I wanted to just fall down and die. And I even contemplated having Jason drive and pick me up at one point. But...I pulled it out! (Even in 91 degrees!) (Yes, it was 91 degrees down here at 7:40 am!)

Now if only my ankle would stop the throbbing...or my knee would stop with the sharp daggar like pain. Man, I keep saying...if I could just lose my weight I'd be in great shape because I wouldn't have all the extra weight on my joints.

SPEAKING OF WEIGHT! I'm down! The scale is moving...not sure exactlly how much yet because when I weighed in today after I got home I had a lot of water weight because I had just downed a lot of ice water. So, I won't know until tomorrow what my "official weight" is. But it should be good...I'm talking 5+ pounds good!!!!!

UN-Motivated

2008-07-24T05:04:00.000-07:00

Here I sit. 6:05am. I'm late getting started for my run this morning. Frankly, I don't want to go. I'm sore. I'm tired. But mostly, I'm frustrated! I made the mistake of stepping on the scale this morning. After running more than 14 miles in the last 3 days the scale has BARELY moved! And it's not like I've been eating poorly either! Yeah, maybe I had a small bowl of ice cream last night. But I only had ONE SMALL BOWL! (I wanted the whole carton!) I've been counting points. I've been running my guts out. Nothing. Now I'm supposed to be excited about running another 5 miles this morning? Well, I'm not. In fact, I thought if I got on here I would either talk myself into going...or not. What's a girl to do? Can I get a little help from my scale every now and again? I mean HONESTLY! It's not like I haven't been working hard! Not only do I have 5 miles today...but I have another 10 to do on Saturday. UGH. Can I throw up now?

Okay, so here's the deal. Marathon training is hard. I've never even ran another "real" race. But I'm running a marathon? WoW. I am sure jumping in over my head! I still have months...but I'm going to need them. Yesterday while I was running, I had to make it REAL CLEAR why I'm doing this. (meaning the marathon) I asked myself...

Self, would you be willing to run in the Salt Lake Marathon? NO!

Self, would you be willing to run in the New York Marathon? No.

Self, would you be willing to train for any other marathon right now? No.

You may ask what that has to do with the price of beans. Well, I'll tell you what the St. George Marathon means to me.

It means FINALLY conquering St. George!
It means FINALLY putting my past behind me!
It means FINALLY over powering the faces that haunt me daily!
It means FINALLY gaining control in the city I have hated for so long!
It means FINALLY being at peace with myself again!
It means FINALLY liking, maybe even loving, myself again!

I HAVE to run this marathon. I HAVE to be ready. The marathon really isn't about the weight loss (although that would be nice too!). As you can see, the marathon is about overcoming a huge situation from my past that should have never happened to me.

When I thought about running this in the beginning, I guess I linked doing "the impossible" with overcoming the situation that happened to me. Crazy? Yeah. But I guess the mind works in strange ways! I came up with "the impossible" (running the marathon) because honestly, I don't even really like running. Have I grown to like it more? Yes, to a point. Do I like the sore muscles or getting started early in the morning? No, not really. I actually prefer my precious sleep! Do I start to enjoy it during my run, when I get the "runner high"? Yeah, I do.

So now that I've wasted about 15min this morning, and I've put myself even MORE behind. I think I'm ready to go beat up my past a little by getting my run in. At least tomorrow is my rest day...

Marathon Training

2008-07-22T07:43:00.000-07:00

So life has been busy and I haven't posted for a while. I still have been using the Wii, but...BUT, I've had to add in my Marathon Traning runs. For those that aren't aware, I am running the St. George Marathon in October. I've been pretty good at building stamina over the last few months by running but now it's time to crack down and get serious. I did slack off a bit during school, so I've got to work hard to get ready so I don't die in October. I found a great website that claims they can "train a 1st time Marathoner in 11 weeks" (as long as they are used to running 5 miles at a time 5 days a week...which I am). So, my 11 weeks has started. Because it's SO HOT down here right now I have to get my runs in early. Because today was only 6 miles I left at 6am but it was still warming up a bit by the time I finished. I'll need to leave earlier Saturday when I do my 9 miles.

As for my weight...I'm truly not sure. I've actually been okay not knowing either. I've really toned down my weigh in's so I don't get obsessed. I figure if training for a marathon can't get me in shape...I've got no hope! So now it's 8:50am...I'm a little sore, I'm STILL sweating (and I got home over 1 1/2 hours ago!), my hair is STiLL wet, however -- I feel good!

Company

2008-07-14T15:33:00.000-07:00

So this past weekend we were able to have my parents come down for a visit! Yea! However, when we have company it throws my schedule off...not yea. I still got most of my Wii time in. Friday I was a tiny bit short of the 30 min minimum.

Food wise....ugh! I didn't have much self control. I made SOME good choices but I stopped counting my points....that's never a good sign! So today, when I stepped on the scale I was afraid! I was shaking because I was so afraid!

HOWEVER....guess who only gained .3 pounds? Could that be me? The person who ate pizza 2 of the 3 weekend nights! Could that be me? The person who ate a bunch of other junk food like pop tarts, ice cream, etc! I know, I'm lucky....believe me, I'm counting my blessings and learning my lesson. I'm back on track today with points and work out. Thankfully I can recover from my damage.

Did I just need a Wii or what??

2008-07-10T11:42:00.000-07:00

So I weighed in again today 189.4! You guys, that's 1.7 lbs down from yesterday! (2.6 since Monday!) Now before I get all too excited, I know...you don't need to remind me, I will probably fluctuate back up a bit....but FOR NOW...I'M CELEBRATING! Hooray!!!

Let me remind you, I haven't changed anything else. I only added the Wii Fit into my daily routine. (I am still counting WW points for food and I RARELY use my extra points during the week.)

My relationship...with my scale

2008-07-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

So me and the scale...we have had an on-again / off-again type of friendship lately. Right now, we're friends. Today my Wii scale weighed me in at 191.1. That is 1.9 lbs down from yesterday.

To my friend:
Mr. Scale,
I really enjoy being friends with you when you are choosing to be nice. Today for instance, you welcomed me with open arms and said "come stand on me, I'll make you happy" and you did. You didn't lie at all! Why is it other days you decide to deceive me? Why can't you just be nice to me every day? Don't you know that would make our relationship a lot easier on me? Instead, you're like a typical man...deceitful. Each day you beckon me to "come stand on me, I'll make you happy". Some days for no reason you get crabby and decide to make my day hell when I stand on you and figure out you lied. You know, you were just trying to get me close so you thought you could lie through your teeth about me losing weight. Or, could it be that I'm just a typical woman...always expecting more? Maybe we both have issues. I think it would be easier for me if you would just give in and give me what I want...no deceit, just great results everyday. I guess the perfect world doesn't exist, I guess we have a lot of work to do on our relationship. Don't worry my friend, I will forgive your shortcomings. It just takes a little time. I first have to see you making an effort before I can fully forgive. Thank you for showing that effort today. It did not go unnoticed. You realize by showing an effort today, I'm going to expect more effort tomorrow? I know, that's the typical woman in me coming out. I will try to reign her back in and just be happy that for today. Because, today we are on good terms.

Your friend (for now),
Alisha

Wiiii, this is fun!

2008-07-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

So today was day 2 of the Wii Fit. I really enjoyed it and I worked up a great sweat! Today I focused most of my time doing the aerobics. I spent a few minutes doing some hoola-hooping:

Then I did a 5 minute run. This was where I worked up a nice sweat! It's kind of uncomfortable at first because you are just running in place while holding the Wii remote but it got the job done. As your running, your Mii is shown on screen following other characters through the park and other areas. Here's a screen shot from a run:

The last section of aerobics that I focused on was my steps. They have a great game that you play while doing a step class. It gets faster as you get better and then has you do different kicks while continuing your steps. I enjoyed doing this activity a lot. Here's a shot of that activity:

After my aerobics, I did a little Yoga and Strength Training. I then ended with a balance game. I'll talk more about my favorites of those another day after I've spent more time on them. I did weigh in again. It warned me because I weighed in last night for my first time and this morning for my second. It warned that the weight probably wouldn't be an accurate showing of my results if I don't weigh in at the same time each day. (Something I already knew.) But I weighed in anyway because I will be doing my workouts in the mornings from here out. So long story short...I was up .2 lbs. Not bad considering I splurged with Cafe Rio late last night!

Total workout: 50minutes

Wii Fit

2008-07-07T18:53:00.000-07:00

So I've heard and read a lot about the infamous, hard-to-get Wii Fit. Jason and I have been calling around to try and find one now for a while. Today we got it! I'll be honest, I'm a bit skeptical about the results possible. That is why I am going to test it. Yes, I am going to keep excellent track of everything so that I have before Wii Fit and after Wii Fit results. For now, I'm going to commit to using it EVERYDAY for at least 30 minutes for an entire month. After that, I will probably continue my test of the game...but I want to re-evaluate at that moment. Basically I want to know if what I paid for the game was worth it. Because $80 isn't cheap, but it's cheaper than paying for a gym membership each month. So, who knows...maybe after I get some amazing results you all will want to go out and get one yourself...lets see how it goes.

So today was Day 1. It is really nice because it has a flat board that you stand on which measures your weight. After you input your birthdate, height, and other basic information you do a body test. This give you your age based on your abilities. Then you are also able to set a goal. After all the initial stuff is entered in, you can go into the workout. You have different areas in which you can spend your work out. (Aerobics, Strength Training, Yoga, and Balance Activities) Today I spent time in each area, it was actually quite fun. If nothing else, my family enjoyed it! All of us!

So just to prove its accuracy...my daughter Mikayla took a test on there to measure her Wii Age...it was 3, dead on! I also weighed myself on my scale upstairs to compare it. Also dead on...ugh. Jason did the same. But I'm only going to track my info on here. I will also be taking before/after pictures to post. BUT, you'll have to stick through the next month with me. I'm not showing my before pictures until you have something nice to look at afterward. (Of course, that is entirely for your benefit. hehe)

So here it is...the starting point according to Wii Fit:

BMI 30.86

Weight 192.0

Wii Fit Age 37

I don't know what hurt the most...all of them were icky! Now during this next month I will also be careful to let you all know if there were other forms of activity (you know, like if I start running again). I don't want to taint anyones idea of what Wii Fit can do for you.

So there it is. That's where I'm starting. Each day I'll give you an update and maybe post a bit about some of my favorite activities. (No, I am not currently employed by Nintendo...but maybe they'll cut me a deal when this is all done. LoL)

Taking my own advice!

2008-07-07T11:16:00.001-07:00

So have you ever had those days when you are just bummed? You feel like you've sabatoged ALL your hard work from the previous months? How about if it's not just one day...mine has been this last month. I haven't been running. AT ALL! It's just to dang hot! I guess I should get re-motivated to run at like 4am but I can't. 4am!!! WoW! I thought about going at night last week. Then I looked at the temp outside...101 (and it was 10:00pm!) There is NO WAY I'm running in that heat! So yeah, pretty much I haven't been excercising. Which wouldn't be that bad...EXCEPT, I haven't been eating well either. :( That's putting it mildly! I've gained. I've gained a butt load. I haven't stepped on the scale yet because I'm afraid. I still fit in my 12's BUT barely. I can feel they've gotten A LOT tighter!

So, needless to say I've been down and out about my self esteem. It doesn't help that I'm a pro at negative self talk. But before I posted this I was visiting a new blog and my advice to them was "take it a day at a time and then re-evaluate because by re-evaluating each day you can take the good and leave the bad." So, I am doing that. This week I am going to re-evaluate myself for all to see each day. (I need a little accountability. And even though there's only a few of you, I at least know someone will be reading my daily accountability.) So watch for that to start later tonight!

Fat Girl

2008-07-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

I can see the fat girl in me. The fat girl tries to come out anytime there is a box of donuts on my counter. The fat girl tries to come out when there is Dryer's Ice Cream in my freezer. The fat girl in me comes out when I'm "dying" for cheesecake. And she definitely comes out like crazy when we decide to make home-made strawberry ice cream. Sometimes, it's hard to contain the fat girl in me!

Sometimes I ignore the fact that I don't want her around.

Sometimes I welcome her into my body with welcome arms.

Then, then there comes a time when I realize how much I hate the fat girl! I hate the fat girl when I'm standing in front of the mirror, tears streaming down my face, seeing the muffin top because my pants are getting too tight. I hate the fat girl when I look at my closet and realize I have nothing to wear that actually fits. I hate the fat girl when I realize that my kids would love to go swimming but I can't get myself to put a swimming suit on for them. I hate the fat girl every single time I step on the scale and realize what I've let her do to me. I hate the fat girl everytime I look back to "what I used to be". I hate her. I wish she would die! Forever!

If anyone knows how to kill the fat girl, please...please, I'd love to know! Right now she has WAY to much control over me!

Wagon...what wagon?

2008-06-27T18:10:00.000-07:00

I've fallen so far off the wagon. I don't even think there is a wagon in sight anymore.

What to do in case of an emergency:

2008-06-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

What SHOULD you do when you have this in your freezer?

RUN THE OTHER WAY!!

What did I do? Ate WAY too much of it even after I counted up the WW points

(which was ugly...real ugly you guys! I'm talking the entire cake was 97 points and when I cut it into the slices, each slice ended up being 11pts.)

I really did try to eat just one 1/2 of a slice (5.5 pts) but MAN! It was so good!! I am not going to tell you how much I ate (and no, don't assume it was the whole cake...cuz it wasn't!). I honestly don't remember how much of it I ate

(I'm supressing the memory!).

I AM going to figure out the WW way to make the dessert with less points because I know I could probably cut it in 1/2. Like I said in my other post...my hubby wanted full fat for Father's Day so I gave in.

(I shouldn't have...it's no wonder we are both overweight!)

When I figure out the WW points I'll post the recipe for you all, but I'm not posting the recipe I made because I don't want any of you to be tempted by the devilish cake!

**On a side note, after eating all the crappy cake I was only up 1 pound.

So I weighed in on Saturday morning at WW's at 188.something

Today I weighed myself on my scale (they weigh exactly the same) and I was 189.2

P.S. ANOTHER SIDE NOTE:

If you'd like to be added to my weight loss buddies and I don't already have you on there...please let me know! I would LOVE to start stalking your weight loss page too! :D

I Love It!

2008-06-13T07:10:00.000-07:00

The scale is down again this morning! I am at 186.6. I know, not a big drop...but still, it's a drop! I'm down 3.5 since last Saturday...I'm going to really push my work out today because I'd like to be down 4lbs by Saturday's WW weigh in!

Still on track!

2008-06-11T11:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, can you believe it...it's almost been a week and I'm still on track! I have counted points every day since saturday. I've stayed within my points everyday since saturday. I haven't even used any flex points. AND I've excersiced 3 out of the 4 days...today will make 4 out of 5. I feel like I'm doing really good.

The scale hasn't been cooperating as much as I hoped but that's alright. I've got to stay focused on what I can control. I am still down. This morning I was still at 188.1. So, I'm not complaining...well at least not very loud.

Monday

2008-06-09T08:13:00.000-07:00

This morning I weighed in at 188.2! I was excited that I'm still going down. Today I'm hitting the gym hard! Hopefully that will pay off with the numbers tomorrow!

It's Official

2008-06-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

I joined Weight Watchers! I went to my first meeting on Saturday and really liked it. I had a bad few days the end of last week (thanks to celebrating my brothers graduation and eating out for my anniversary). So, weighing in wasn't very fun at all! I started my Weight Watchers at 190.1. (But I started my beginning weight loss at 200+ so I did lose 10 on my own...actually 20+ but I gained 10 back.) So my first goal is 10%. 171. I am going to just focus on that.

At meeting on Saturday they were talking a lot about how it's important to to set a date on your weight loss goals. If you do that it can be very discouraging if your body doesn't get to that point by that time. That is some of my frustration in the last few months. I originally started my weight loss journey to lose weight for my 5 year anniversary (already past) and my best friends wedding where I am a bride's maid (in 2 weeks). I'm definately not going to be where I wanted to be by then. But I need to be okay with that. I need to focus on the progress I have made and keep continuing to make. That's why it's a journey. There isn't a destination...even when I get to my goal weight. It's not like I can get there and say, "Okay...now I can eat whatever I want". Instead once I'm there I will need to still focus on healthy and smart choices to maintain.

So, today's update: I'm actually down 2.6 pounds from yesterday. A lot of that HAS to be water weight. It's not feasable that I actually lost that much over 24 hours. But down is down...and down is encouraging!

Look what I'm up against!

2008-06-03T11:13:00.000-07:00

So here I sit upstairs. Minding my own business. You know, cleaning...blogging...more cleaning...

All of the sudden I hear something calling my name:

"Alisha, come down here. Come down here Alisha, you know you want to! Come on, just come down...you know you are DYING to! Come on Alisha, don't make me beg. You know it's all you can think about. Alisha we are friends, friends aren't bad for each other. Just come on, a little isn't going to hurt. That's a girl, just a step at a time. Now, turn the corner. Come on, you can do it. You know you want to! Good girl, now down the hallway. See, that's not so hard now is it? You're almost there. Just a little further. Great job! Now just open it up. Come on, don't think about it. Just do it! It's really going to be okay. You can do this, just a little won't hurt. Great! Now open the drawer, grab that spoon. You know you've been wanting to do it all day long. Come on, don't hesitate. That'a girl. Now, aren't you glad you tasted the most delicious ice cream in the whole world?"

Me: Nooooooooooooooooo! How can I say no to that? All I can say is I did show a LITTLE self control. At least I stopped after 5 spoonfuls. (unlike my normal, finish the whole pint technique.)
To those of you who are stronger to resist the "call"...bravo! I haven't figured out how to say no...or at least how to ignore that really annoying voice yet! Seriouslly...and you wonder why I am so stuck in the 80's! Man...who buys this stuff? Oh, wait. I did.

Hide and Seek

2008-06-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

So my kids LOVE playing hide 'n seek. I have always enjoyed it until today. I had an ephiphany you see. I apparently have liked playing this game in every aspect of my life. I'm wondering if I'll every stop playing it actually. At least in my weight loss world!

No, seriously! I am talking like for good. I have the whole "hide it" portion down. I can lose it pretty darn good. To a point! Literally! Once I hit that "point" it always finds me again! Man, I guess I really suck at this game. I can't seem to hide long enough to really make any progress. I have tried so hard to be a really good hider. I've tried to be so quiet so I wouldn't be found by "it". I try to hide everywhere, sometimes I even hide for really long periods of time. But, everytime...no matter how long I've been hiding, I hit that stuipid point and it finds me. It's like I have a homing device on me so I can never get away from it! Now granted, sometimes it doesn't have to find me...sometimes I give in and turn myself in (you know, eating crap...not working out). But not this time. I thought I had hid so well that I would never be found (well at least as long as I was being really quiet and doing what I should to stay hidden). But no! I was still caught! How frustrating! I need a new game!

Last week I hid lots of weight. I was down 6 pounds actually. And man, I was so good at hiding it...I would run and run and run till I couldn't run anymore. But what do you know, by the end of the week I found it all again! Hide and Seek officially sucks!

My new favorite snack

2008-05-30T09:36:00.000-07:00

AND it's only ONE POINT!! For those that don't know me, I have a MAJOR sweet tooth and LOVE the snacks. That's probably one of the biggest reasons I've gotten so big...I lacked self control. However I was told about this great snack (from my mom) and the best part...it's only a point...uno...one! So here ya go:

1 chocolate graham cracker broke in half
1 large marshmallow melted on the cracker

There ya have it...it's like a s'more! I love it, it cures that late night I need a treat feeling I get all too often.

On a side note...the scale is starting to become my friend again. Hopefully I'm not speaking to soon. I am back down. I was up to 189 at one point this week (probably some water weight because I've been focusing on drinking lots more water). This morning I was down to 183.1. Will I stay there...probably not. I'm expecting it to fluctuate a bit. However, the good news: everyday it's dropped! I'm doing my long run today so I fully expect another drop tomorrow. (As long as I can keep some self-control!) I've been in these 180's for FAR TOO LONG! I'm ready for the 70's...bring it on! Maybe next week if I'm really good! (crossing my fingers and toes and avoiding the diet coke in the fridge and the constant urge to go eat a ridiculous amount of ice cream)

Newest Picture of me

2008-05-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm not one to usually share pictures. (Mainly because I'm not all that excited with how I look yet.) However, while we were at the zoo with my family my mom took the following picture. What I'm most excited about...no double chin! AND, I'm actually looking skinnier between the arms on both sides (right next to my boobs or right under my arm pits). I've still got lots of work, but I liked what I was seeing in this picture. Yay!

The scale is up

2008-05-27T11:50:00.000-07:00

But...can you blame it? I was HORRIBLE this weekend. And the saddest part, I knew how horrible I was being and I didn't even try to stop myself. We're talking potato salad, eclair cake, fruit pizza, turkey sandwiches (on a white roll), diet coke, Wendy's, and the worst part...NO EXCERSICE AT ALL! YUCK! (Man I sound like a big pig!)

I'm lucky that the scale is only up a pound right now. I'm back in control now and here's the big news...I'm actually going to start at the WW meetings. Until now I've been counting points (or at least making an attempt sometimes) but not attending meetings. I would just get my info from my parents. But, I decided I needed to really do this. So, I will be going to my very first "official" meeting this week. I hope it helps.

I also have some major running to do this week to keep on track for the marathon. I was a slacker this morning and didn't get up for the gym so that means I'll be going Wed-Sat and my Friday and Saturday will be LONG days at the gym to get my long runs in.

Here we go...another week. My goal for the end of the week...Hit the gym every day for the remainder of the week and go to my WW meeting. I can only control my end...eventually the scale will HAVE to move....right?!?

Yet Another Morning

2008-05-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

So I didn't get my other five miles in yesterday...bummer. I was too exhausted after my long day (read my family post if you still have questions.) I did get up again today and hit the gym at 5:30am. Have I mentioned that I am NOT a morning person. Like AT ALL! Just ask anyone who even remotely knows me and they will vouch! But, truly if I don't get to the gym in the morning I don't have any other time during the day before the gym closes! That's how jam packed my days are. I have noticed though that going in the morning is a lot easier to get the gym done. Then I don't have to keep reminding myself or guilting myself or making excuses to myself. That way it's done and over. I'm not going to lie though...when my alarm clock goes off I contemplate shooting it every morning! But, once I'm there I do feel a lot better.

This morning I ran close to 8 or 9 miles. I don't know the exact total. I know I ran 5 straight (without stopping!!!!!!). I'm pretty excited about that! Then I took a small break for a drink and ran again but I didn't track it that time.

I'm not too happy with the scale. At least I wasn't this morning; I haven't been back on it since then. It was up believe it or not. But I have to be forward focused. So I realize it may take a little while to see my results from my activity again. But it better be just a LITTLE while. I am not very patient...I'm sure some of you can relate. I want instant gratification. I want to see the number drop the minute I'm done working out. Now, I know that's not realistic...but come on, wouldn't that be great!?!

Make today great...even if you can't hit the gym, my challenge is to do something today that you wouldn't normally do. (Relating to working out!) I don't care if you are fat or thin or trying to lose weight or not. It's a great challenge for everyone! Do SOMETHING. Even if it's just going out and walking around the block after dinner. Whatever it is...just DO IT! I promise you'll feel so great after!

Great Start

2008-05-19T09:08:00.000-07:00

So today I woke up at 5:30 AM and hit the gym! Wahoo! I feel great! It's now 10am and I've already ran 5 miles, lifted weights, had breakfast and now I am ready to hit the shower so I can smell good again!

On a side note...I stepped on the scale before I left (I always like weighing in the morning, the scale is nicer to me then). YES! I'm down, only a little bit...but down is down! Now if I can just be careful today with what I eat....

Tonight I'll be running again (hopefully) I've got to get another 5 miles in to keep up with my marathon training schedule. Man, I feel good right now! This week I AM getting back on track and I'm excited!

The Scale

2008-05-16T06:47:00.001-07:00

So I finally stepped on the scale this morning. I was actually surprised! I thought I had gained 5+ lbs in the last few weeks. However, I was only up a couple. PHEW! I did take a step backward but not as bad as I dreaded after being off plan for so long. That's lucky.

Yesterday I was really careful with what I ate. I watched my portions and only snacked on fresh fruit. Although I did give in after dinner and had a banana creamie.

I'm excited that I have stayed pretty close to the same weight...although I'm pretty sick of seeing this number on the scale! By the end of May I'm hoping to be down into the 170's! WoW...I guess I'm getting braver sharing the actual numbers on here! I've always been so ashamed of where I'm at. So....here it goes.....are you ready for this...this morning the scale read 184. EWWWwwww! I might actually delete this before anyone even reads it. But I did read something that said once you can say it out loud it makes it real in your head and then you can release it and move on. Hmmm, don't know if I believe that or not. But right now I'm at a different point. As long as I am moving the scale in the right direction I don't care if people know where I'm at or where I started. So, I guess now your wondering where I started.....ugh! I guess I hold my weight well?? No one would ever guess that my starting point was a miserable 201 but that's exactly where I began. Now I've been hoovering around 181-184 since the beginning of March. That's 2 months of being in the exact same spot! Now you can see just why I'm SO desperate to get down into the 170's!

So as for my goals. I realize that I've been stationary for too long to hit my goal of what I wanted to be when I'm a bridesmaid the end of June. :( I was hoping to be down to 140 by then. But I've come to grips with that fact even though I don't like it. I have adopted a new goal though. We are probably going to Lake Powell the first week of August. Which means that I have to be in a swimming suit for 4 days straight. My goal is to be looking good in a swimming suit for the first time in like 8 years by then. I've got a lot of hard work but I'm re-motivated! On Monday I start a fitness class at school and I even get a personal trainer. We'll see if that can kick start me again.

Well I've been all over the place in this post...sorry! It's early in the morning for me...sheesh! No, honestly I'm just sharing from my heart and I'm afraid if I go back to re-read it that I'll delete certain numerical parts of the blog.

Now I'm off to eat my Special K with Skim Milk...mmmmm

How Bad Am I?

2008-05-12T15:39:00.000-07:00

Man, I don't know what it is you guys! I can't get myself motivated! You would think with me being a bridesmaid in 42 days...or with the marathon coming up in October...or whatever other reason I have that I would actually get off my but and work out! But I haven't. In fact, I think I can safely say I've been in self-sabatoge mode! I haven't been doing anything TOO crazy or bad, but I haven't been doing great either. I'm afraid to step on the scale. Usually I'm a scale FREAK, but I've been avoiding it lately like the plauge. And that's never a good sign!

Now, on a positive note....I did go grocery shopping Saturday and I stocked my fridge with fresh fruit. AND I even took the time to cut it all up and bag it into portions. I know, I was on one that day! :)

Yesterday I took the kids on a walk to the park and actually played with them instead of watching from the bench. Does that count?? LoL. You should have seen me whizzing down those slides and across those monkey bars...I was unstoppable. haha.

Tonight I will be starting my runs for the week. I've already traced my course so that I know I will hit the 5 mile mark. This week I've got to log 20+ miles to get back on track for my marathon (which is only 20 weeks away!)

Oh and did I mention that I'm going to be more strict about counting points again?? Yes, I need discipline right now to get me back on track. So, another week...but this time I'm forcing myself back on track!

Cafe Rio is a Drug!

2008-04-19T21:28:00.001-07:00

What is my problem!? I can not stop craving a pork salad from Cafe Rio! No matter how much I want to lose weight or how healthy I TRY to eat I ALWAYS am fighting my Cafe Rio craving! Tonight we decided to give in while watching the Jazz game. I don't know what's better that or pizza...those were the 2 options we were considering. So yes, now I'm feeling icky because I am way too full and to top it off, I didn't even work out today! YUCK!

I am still maintaining and losing like 0.01 lbs a day. I am not making very quick progress right now. Hmmm maybe because I've been a slacker on my running! Although, I did register for the St. George Marathon this week so now I've got to crack down and get very serious. That should help me to get past my maintaining spot.

Anyways, Cafe Rio should be illegal. That's all I'm going to say!

Way to go Ali!

2008-04-15T22:09:00.000-07:00

So can I just say that I was SO rooting for Ali tonight! I am amazed that this girl gets eliminated off the show then fights on her own to lose weight. Because of her hard work, gets another chance. And in my opinion, from that moment on had the show wrapped up with her hard work every week! She lost SO MUCH WEIGHT! She looks so dang amazing! I kept up on this show this entire season. She lost 100+ pounds!! I do realize the contestants work out like 6 hours a day. But man, I'm still jealous! If I could choose any show to go on it would be this one and I don't even want the money! I just want to learn the info and get trained on how to live a better life.

I truly don't think there is a better show on TV right now. Talk about getting your life back! WOW, way to go Ali!!!

The Scale

2008-04-14T14:27:00.000-07:00

So can I tell you I hate my scale! Partially because I want to take out my weight frustration on him. But mostly because I feel like I never get an accurate weight! I stand on it every morning. However depending on how I position my big toe, or hold my arms, etc the weight fluctuates like 4 lbs. 4 POUNDS is a lot to someone trying to lose every pound they can. This morning I was on the scale after being up in Salt Lake the entire weekend. 2 nights eating out (one at Ruby River...bad! The other at Tuscany...even worse, pasta!) Plus not to mention that I wasn't in control of what I was eating or what was left around. My brother went to prom and after the dance everyone came ot my parents house and they had Dr. Pepper (not diet either), cookies, candy, more cookies, popcorn, chex mix, more soda, and even more cookies. Do you get my drift?! Then I go to my other mom's house. She works at the all too deadly See's Candies. Of course she had some of it frozen in her freezer. Ugh! I gave in EVERYWHERE after my bridal dress shopping experience! I know, I should have done the opposite but I didn't. So today was was very hesitant to even step on Mr. Scale. Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I thought. For my sake of mind though, I did have to step off and back on a few times shifting my big toe to get the smallest number! :) All in all, I didn't even gain a pound. I guess I did better than expected. I did go running on my parents treadmill one day and went for a walk another. So I did try to get in my excercise. But I didn't get in my normal 5 mile run. Today...another story. I'm back on track. Jason's mom has lost a LOT of weight in the last month or 2 and I am very jealous. So I'm starting to eat what she does for dinner...every night a different variety of vegetables. That should help.

One good side note....even though I had to order the extra heffer size for my bridesmaid dress. I did find out that it can be altered serveral sizes. So, maybe if I can keep my eating in check and step it up a notch on the excercise portion I could better off than what it seems now. Well I better get off to do my run.....

Instant Self Esteem Kick!

2008-04-10T18:17:00.001-07:00

Well today I am back to reality. I went bridesmaid dress shopping....ugh! I know, I know...they say the sizes run really small. WHATEVER! Talk about wanting to just shoot yourself in the head...or better yet, grab a pint of vanilla cone Hagan Daas ice cream and a pound of Chocolate Covered Cinnamon Bears!!! So yeah, I'm a bit disappointed! I'm not even close to where I thought I was size wise...for some reason I can be a freaking 12 in my jeans and yet an 18 in a formal dress....WHAT THE ......oh and it didn't help that my cute, sweet, gorgeous, and ridiculously thin best friend and bride to be put on the same dress (and of course looked like a 1000 times better in it cuz everything looks better when you are smaller!). But I'm okay. I would do or wear anything for her because I love her that much. And I've decided that I can't let formal dress shopping take away from what I have accomplished! I have come a long way and I guess looking at the bright side...it could have been a ton worse if I hadn't lost all this weight. Yuck, that's a horrible thought! I guess that's why I haven't gone "shopping" in a LONG time! So yes, now I've had my reality check...

Scale is still dropping

2008-03-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

Today was my weekly weigh in and I was SOOOO excited! In the last week I dropped just under 5 lbs! This is the smallest I've been in years and it feels great! It's been really fun because people are also starting to notice! Some of the girls I work with and even some of my regulars have commented on the loss. It's nice that people are starting to notice! I still have a ways to go but I am starting to get really excited about all the work I've been putting towards this goal!

I'm alive!

2008-03-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am alive! Just in case you all were so worried! I am actually doing pretty darn good too! I've named myself Queen of Maintaining! I really haven't been all that careful with what I've ate the past couple weeks because we've been on vacation, etc. However I stepped on the scale this morning...I was down a pound! I am 1 pound away from being back to my 10% weight loss goal. So that's pretty darn good!

While we were in California I decided to do something I haven't done in YEARS!! Go shopping for pants. YUCK! I don't know if anyone can relate to this, but I hate it! I hate trying to decide what size I'll be in different brands of jeans (because they can't just be univeral!) Then thinking ok, bring in a big size to make yourself feel better and then a smaller size that hopefully you'll fit in. Oh, opps you don't even fit in the bigger size. Okay then I guess it's just time to go home and cry!

So because of that I haven't been shopping in a long while. I was trying to remember and I would guess it was right after I had Kayla (almost 4 years ago!!) So while we were in Dowtown Disney I was sick of holding my pants up while I walked because I my belt is now too big and my pants are so big that I just walk a few steps and they are down at my knees. Needless to say, I needed to get new pants so bad but my fear of shopping was holding me back. So I said what the hay. I did my whole routine...grab some that are a size bigger than you think, grab some that are what you think you will be and then hit the dressing room. So I start with the ones that are "too big". I almost started crying! Actually I think I did have a tear roll down my face! They didn't fit. Not even on 1 leg! I almost gave up right then. However, I was already undressed so I might as well try the other pair. I never thought they'd fit. Whoa...surprise! They did! Size freaking 12! So I obviouslly bought them! After, I was explaining my fitting room horror to Jason and he looked at the "too big" jeans and said "Honey those are from the little girls section." I hadn't even realized I picked up the capris from the wrong section. So long story short...I felt a lot better about myself! I actually was smaller than I thought! I can start shopping at Quicksilver again and I now have pants that I have to unbutton when I go to the bathroom. (My brother and Jason explained that it is very normal to have to unbutton your pants when you use the potty and very un-normal to have your pants so big that they just fall down when you walk.)

So, horray...another milestone! I'm really trying to get down to at least an 8 by June! Actually by June 23rd to be exact! (Remember...bridesmaid...) I just got to keep focused on a pound at a time!

Yuck

2008-03-03T12:05:00.000-08:00

Okay there is a reason I haven't posted in a while.

#1 I haven't been on the computer a whole lot because the weather has been so nice.

#2 When I have been on the computer I haven't wanted to face this site because I have been sucking it up lately!

I honestly haven't ran at all this week. I think my blisters have almost all scabbed over. I keep telling myself that I didn't run because they hurt too much and I wanted to give them time to heal. That is probably 1/4 of the truth. Honestly I haven't felt like doing much of any excercising. So now I wish I could follow that with a 'but hey at least I've been eating good' statement. But no. I can't. I have been terrified to step on the scale. Honestly I don't know what my problem is! Last week I hit a huge milestone and this week I'm doing everything in my power to sabatoge that! I think that's just it. I haven't been below my 10% mark in like 4+ years! I think my mind is now playing tricks on me. I'm starting to wonder if the scale will ever move down below this mark.

I was talking to my best friend today and we were talking about "The Secret". If you haven't watched it, stop what you are doing and go buy it. It's worth it, I promise! Anyways she was mentioning that she thinks that could be part of the reason for her little weight gain. (Not that she has ANYTHING to worry about!!! Trust me, if I looked like her I wouldn't care about a few pounds...hehe. Love ya Alicia!) Anyways, it got me thinking. Maybe that's my problem. I've been so focused on NOT wanting to gain weight and being afraid that I won't ever get below this mark and now I'm realizing that I'm focusing on the wrong thing! So my new comment to myself is "Man this weight is just falling off you. You are getting so damn skinny!" I know, silly...but I'll start believing it after telling it to myself about a million times! ;)

Anyways, today is a new week. And I'm going to get my head back on straight and get things rolling again!!!

Emotional Eating

2008-02-27T08:38:00.001-08:00

I think that sums up yesterday! EMOTIONAL EATING! It wasn't a good day. I'm going to try to make today better, we'll see what happens.

WAHOO!

2008-02-26T07:58:00.000-08:00

Today was the official weigh in and I made it!!! YEAH! I hit my 10% mark so now I can collect my $$$$$$! Today the challenge starts again but this time my 10% mark will be a little lower. My goal is to win back to back! :)

So yesterday I didn't post because I was SO TIRED! I ended up running 5 miles again. That's 15+ miles in 3 days! WOW! I felt good minus the blisters on my heels and the shooting pain in my knees. But all in all I was glad I did it! I have been so careful to watch what I eat and I guess it's paying off!

Yesterdy after finishing my 5 mile run I decided I needed to take a day off from running to let my body re-coup. So today I will not be running my 5 miles. Instead I'm going to go on a 3 mile walk. That way I can still get in my workout but it won't be as intense.

I just about died!

2008-02-24T19:58:00.000-08:00

Today seemed pretty good. I was real careful both yesterday and today to watch what I ate. Today I came in under my calorie amount by about 200. I also really pushed myself. I really didn't want to run. Not even a little bit! I wasn't going to either. Then Jason decided to go on the 5 mile run again and I knew I couldn't let him get a step ahead of me....YES! I am competitive! So I went out...my shoes fell apart, literaly! It started rain/hailing. And I barely finished my run. I again went 5 miles. I did it in 58 minutes even today. I averaged a 11:34 min mile and I burned about 740 calories!! The last part is my favorite! What I'm hoping is that when I step on the scale on Tuesday morning I will actually see good results for the first time in a few weeks!!! I will be taking a picture here tomorrow or Tuesday and I'll post my monthly results. I would post a picture of where I was when I started...but it's in my sports bra and it's really yucky so I thought I'd save you the sickening feeling you'd get when you looked at it!! :D I'm off to buy new shoes tomorrow so I can keep up my running....

Longest yet

2008-02-23T10:32:00.000-08:00

This morning Jason and I went out running together since his mom and grandma are down visiting and could watch the girls for us. We decided we would both go 5.5 miles. This was my longest run yet. My goal was to finish in less than an hour (and of course beat Jason! hehe) I can say I accomplished both goals. I paced about an 11 min mile and finished in 58:05. I am excited! It's only the end of February and I still have 8 more months to get into marathon condition. At my rate today I would have paced about a 5 - 5:30 hr marathon. However I'm excited because by October I should be able to do even better than that! I pulled the official times for previous years marathons and found out when they stop recording times. If you remember...my marathon goals are:
1. FINISH!!!!
2. Finish BEFORE they stop recording time
3. Don't come in last! :)

I found out that they don't stop recording times until 8hrs 30 min. That's a 19 min mile and I could walk that hopefully...So maybe I should change my goal to finish in 4hrs or less...hmmmm, I'll have to think about that one!

Anyways, today I feel good. I had a bad eating day yesterday so I've got to be careful today!

Changing gears for a bit...

2008-02-21T08:44:00.000-08:00

Okay so I'm changing things up. For the last month and a half I've been doing Weight Watchers...sort of. I haven't been attending meetings, I've just been trying to count poits and stay close to their plan. It's been pretty good. However, since I LOVE the show "The Biggest Loser" I decided to borrow the books from the library. I've been reading them over and I LOVE IT! I know, it sounds like I'm jumping ship right?? Well not necesarily. I actually think the 2 programs are a lot alike! One just focuses on counting the points associated and the other counts calories. Figuring out how to count the calories took me a minute to figure out (it was late and I wasn't all there!). However now that I have the hang of it, it is SOOOO much easier! I don't have to carry the point slider around to figure out points. It's simple addition and multiplication! So now I'm murging the 2 plans into one of my own I guess. (Not that it takes a whole lot to do since they are both excellent plans and are very similar!)

I'm excited, yesterday I stayed right at my calorie intake and it was actually right about where my points should have been. So today I will also be doing calories. Wish me luck! :)

Today

2008-02-19T20:15:00.000-08:00

Okay so I finally weighed in today around 9:45am...I was dreading it. Luckily I was actually back down to where I had been the night before so I technically didn't gain any weight back over night but I still didn't loose! :(

I've struggled a bit today with the head games. I did not work out today. I ate fine, I think that has become habit. But I just couldn't get my butt out the door for my run thinking that it would probably be another waste of my time and pain.

I just got done watching "The Biggest Loser". Man! This week the Blue Team pulled some AMAZING numbers! The Black Team pretty much sucked it up. However, I had a thought come to me that gave me a little encouragement. I thought 'Wow, these people are at the camp all week usually and focused on losing weight and set up with amazing tools like personal trainers and healthy foods...no distractions. How is it that I pull in the same numbers as some of these Black team members....and sometimes even better!?!' That got my spirits up a bit. I don't have a personal trainer! I do try to keep junk out of our house now but still have little girls that need snacks like crackers and some treats every now and again. I also don't have 5 hours a day to devote to working out. I do what I can, when I can. So I guess my head is in a better spot tonight. I feel pretty good with my progress to this point. Would I like it to be a bit better...who wouldn't!? But since I'm focusing on the positive tonight I can say that at least each week for the last 8 weeks I have consistenly lost every single week minus 1 week where I stayed the same!

I really do want to pick up the pace though and hopefully I can start seeing some great results again to get me re-motivated! I'll check back in tomorrow...

What the!?!?

2008-02-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

Well yesterday I can say that I worked out SO HARD! I ran in the morning, came home did an excercise video, then went running again in the evening. I pushed myself harder yesterday than I have probably ever. So I was expecting some GREAT results! I was careful to eat good and get my protein in. I didn't snack on crap (even though I really wanted to!!!!!!!). So I steped on the scale about 5:30am when I got up with the girls and I was freaking up from when I went to bed!! 3 POUNDS!!!! What the crap! I was was bummed to say the least! I really thought I would be down to my 10% mark. So now I have a bit more work apparently. And honestly I don't care about that....I am just baffled! I don't understand how that works. How you can work out so much and eat so carefuly and STILL gain!? That's the part that ticks me off! So now today I'm supposed to be excited to work out and instead all I can think about is my knees are KILLING, my shins hurt from my shin splints, and all I want to do is start emotional eating and pig out on a bunch of crap! Cross your fingers for me today because it's not starting good. Hopefully I can get my head under control so I don't gain another 700 pounds! Today is the first day in my whole weight loss journey that I've contemplated throwing in the towel! I know, pretty pathetic that I would cave in so easily. But it really is discouraging to work out so hard and see the opposite results! I haven't weighed in this morning yet "officially" because I'm afraid of what I'll see. I know I have to get on there because today is our weigh in....YUCK!

New Blogspot

2008-02-18T12:44:00.000-08:00

Okay so I was really tired of wordpress and wasn't smart enough to figure out how to use it most of the time. So I decided to change over to blogspot. This is where I will now be posting about my weight loss journey. If you'd like to catch up and see my posts from when I started check them out on wordpress.

I will soon be posting progress photos....this makes me a little anxious to let whoever stumbles on this site see them but I am going to do it and hopefully one day they can be inspirational to others!

I'm Overweight!!! Hooray!

2008-02-18T12:41:00.000-08:00

LoL…so today I offically am no longer OBESE! That is a yucky word and I’m glad I will never be there again! HOORAY! I know it sounds weird to be excited that I’m overweight, but that is an accomplishment to hit that mark! By tomorrow I should be at my 10% goal which is also way exciting! Swimming suit here I come!